BN: Steal the ring from his desk.

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Okay! You have a touching moment with your ring, which was left on the desk. Reunited, and it feels so good!

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Wait, where’d it go?

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Oh, for the love of GO-

RON: AGRESS.

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You stood no chance unarmed, so you hop into your latest innovation, a little something you like to call MECHARONZILLA™.


> BN: Steal the ring from his desk.

Jacks: Attempt to stab Ron in a graceful and coordinated fashion.

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You can’t do that! It seems that while you were in a trance, Ron scrammed. HOW PREDICTABLE.

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This monitor makes you irrationally mad. It’s just sitting there, not even plugged into anything.

It’s kinda like how inspecting this monitor has nothing to do with your current situation!


> RON: AGRESS.

Next.

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You gaze at his horrible face for what seems like months.  It’s only been a minute, though.

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You all quickly gain back your composure. Now, where were you? Oh yes, you were about to kill a defenseless old man.


> Jacks: Attempt to stab Ron in a graceful and coordinated fashion.

Ron: Flip light switch, revealing the light to just be turned off, not burnt out.

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Ron Popeil reveals himself.

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He is more hideous in person than you could ever imagine.


> Next.

Jacks: Initiate epic confrontation with Ron Popeil, which will probably involve something generic, like a robot or lava or something.

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You would, but it seems the light bulb on Ron’s side of the room is burnt out.

It looks like you’ll have to go on a quest to obtain a bulb from the nearby department store before beginning the battle.


> Ron: Flip light switch, revealing the light to just be turned off, not burnt out.

AN: Level up for defeating wall.

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ALPHA NOIR GAINED A LEVEL!

SALMONELLA: +1
JACK PILE RANK: LIEUTENANT COLONEL

ALPHA NOIR ACCRUES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.


> Jacks: Initiate epic confrontation with Ron Popeil, which will probably involve something generic, like a robot or lava or something.

Jacks: Go through newly created door.

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You come through the hole in the wall to find…

Can it be?

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IT IS!

You just knew constantly screwing around and not even trying to accomplish your objective would pay off.


> AN: Level up for defeating wall.

Next.
AN: Beat up BN.

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You channel the powers of HULK HOGAN. You are ready to begin a Wrestlemania match.

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> Next.